Autopilot anyone?

How often do you find yourself having to snap off autopilot? Because I do constantly! Sometimes I will run on auto-pilot for hours it feels like, just floating around. I sometimes have to force myself to be an active participant in my daily life.  I always call it stuck in my head…. But I have been stuck in my head for so long it has become auto pilot. I struggle tremendously with anxiety and poor coping skills, and I have a self destructive streak that doesn’t quit…. After a very glamorous roll in shit, I impressively did my best to destroy everything around me! Luckily, I have a really killer support system that never gave up on me.  Now, I am on a mission to find a way to free myself from those demons I almost let kill me. Part of that is finding a new career, a new calling- what do I want to do now? Many would call me crazy- I went through school and earned a degree that pays quite well, I loved it and I thought it was my calling- I will never close the door to that dream but it is not where I am in my life right now, it was a beautiful job but the stress level is not something I need right now.  When you go through a traumatic event it changes you, it changes your priorities and for each person it is different. I am hoping by writing and getting some of this alphabet soup in front of my eyes my goals will become clearer and easier for me to navigate. Where am I going next? Will this blogging stuff help me focus? Will it help get the demons out, do I really want to put them out where people can read them and judge….. Writing what is on my mind can sometimes be hard because it jumps around all the time. I am one of those people that need to be doing 2 things at a time all the time. I can not sit down and watch a movie unless I am doing something else as well- like crocheting.  Pretty sure its a tactile thing. Life is hard, but it is my responsibility to be present, to thrive, to live with the autopilot turned off. 

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