Manic Monday to Mellow Monday

How do mondays make you feel? The rush of the work week, stress of running kids and getting places? Monday mornings are always a challenge for me, leaving the house is a heavy feeling.  I honestly detest it. Part of this process is giving myself permission to feel again and not muffle it down. I have done that so much that literally everything in life makes me feel anxious. I think that is part of my new found attraction to politics, I don’t plan to write about that often… but this wouldn’t be true to who I am if I completely left my recent fascination out- and besides some of the dumb shit he does makes for great comedy.  At the start of this blog… (10ish hours ago) it felt like a serious manic monday, the little was not a morning sunshine today and I am officially counting down the days until the adventure that I am both excited and anxious about…. Super out of my comfort zone. When I go on vacation its normally with my family so it is a good sized group and I do not have to interact with anyone outside my close circle, its safe. Lights, noises make me anxious and over stimulated but maybe thats exactly what I need to help kick me into gear- go big or go home right? There isn’t a better person to hold my hand on this little adventure than who is taking me and I am so excited its  a little scary for me. Thankfully, my did not stay manic monday, now so many hours later it has become mellow monday. For much of the day it still felt overly turbulent, in my chest but it was a very cleansing turbulence. I talked about what my first deep dive will be about, it is not something I have told many people. It is not something I expected to share today but I did and it was a shock. It just popped out. I keep a very tight- borderline nonexistant circle. I dont keep up friendships, I am the non-existant friend….. The one you say you have but no one ever sees…… because she is too wrapped up in her own head to leave her house. I am not a social butterfly, I am more of a get the eff away from me but I still want to talk to you across the room…..

I have changed so much, I am still struggling to stop feeling like a bobber floating on its side but I am sharing parts of myself that I have always kept hidden. These are the times you know who your people are. I am feeling pretty drained but peaceful tonight and one thing is for sure I will sleep like a log.

Today is day 4 on my thankfulls….. Today I am thankful for reaching out to a dear friend that I missed tremendously,  we have now spent 2 days together visiting and talking. She has a very unique perspective of life and is able to be brutally honest with herself. I admire that about her, I am thankful for today.

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