To be sincere is to be true, genuine, and honest. It is a salutation that is written instead of spoken, it is ingrained in us early in our childhood when we write our first letter to Santa….. and we were all so sincere with this letters. The word sincere or actually sincerely is so often used, it is at the end of almost every letter you receive…. From your Great Aunt to a snake oil salesman trying to dupe you out of money. It is a word that I seem to have a hard time relating to, it feels impersonal to me. It is hard for me to write about, and that is annoying. I set a goal for a word a week, and week two is kicking my ass already- but I sincerely want to do this project.
When I think about my own ability to be sincere, authenticity is what pops into my head. I feel like I can reasonably shoot to be sincere maybe 95ish percent of the time…. Maybe a little less… I mean I use the rote thank you’s, have a great day, pretending I’m listening as the kids rattle off non stop gibberish or like I am interested in a product I’m not because I don’t want to hurt feelings- that is not very sincere. The majority of the time, though, I am sincere in what I do and say- it is a word I feel when I have it. The block I seem to hit is that I can’t feel it from others, it is a passive feeling. It is sweet and mellow, like the neighbor kid that brings your mail….. its a sincere gesture. The one thing that keeps swinging around as I have brainstormed this word is that sincere can be faked and it can also be bad. People can say all the right words but not be sincere with them; I just don’t like that. People can also be sincerely bad or sincerely evil- we have a hearty prison system to evidence that. People can be sincerely toxic- they don’t even mean to be, they just are.
Isn’t it interesting that I tried a more powerful ( but less passive) word prior to sincere? Because I can identify toxicity and kindness, but sincerity is too passive. It is a bit ironic that one of my goals is to feel more passive and less reactive- I realistically know my reactivity is just part of me. It goes along with the anxiety and turbulence. I am trying too hard to turn a passive word into a reactive word and it is self defeating and self sabotaging. Sincere is a lesson about chilling out!
Thinking about it in the context of the person who suggested the word it is very fitting, she is genuine, true…. Sincere! She is not passive but she puts off a very calming, motherly, sincere vibe. A truly caring person. Someone who I could see telling me to calm down at work, someone who would reassure me if I was struggling, and she is a sincerely kind person. I am sincerely thankful for the challenge she gave me this week and am just as sincere when I say I am looking forward to the next 50 words because more than anything this gives a weekly goal, time to think and the opportunity for introspection. I just hope next weeks word doesn’t give me as hard of a time.