Week 13: Miracle

This week’s word has been an interesting one to ponder our second week into the whole social distancing, no school, stay-at-home orders (who would have ever thought I would start a blog post with this… weird shit is going down right now!)….. It is the one thing our world needs right now….. A miracle.  My word is miracle and it was given to me by a dear friend’s little sister who is now a nurse- a NURSE, of all things. While I am not surprised a nurse would come up with miracle as their positive word, it is just so fitting right now when nurses are needed so badly…… and I think it is very possible that nurses, along with all the doctors and respiratory therapists- it’s the healthcare providers who are the miracle right now.  To be a nurse, you have to have a passion for what you are doing. At least for me, that is a definite requirement- its a calling. A calling I stopped hearing several years ago. I mourned it like a death,and then I began to resent it. I have always said I would re-instate, but in my guts, I knew the passion was gone. Then along came this Coronavirus, and as soon as I heard about the cases in Seattle, there was that calling. It was in the form of a dream about my grama telling me that I have skills that need use and that my gramps would be disappointed if I didn’t help….  She was sitting in her chair, I was behind it, and I could see her hair and the corner of her glasses. Her signature whiskey and sprite was sitting on her side-table, and she was reading the paper. It was one of those dreams that you can rewind and semi-control; you know you’re dreaming, but you can’t quite wake yourself and it’s just so vivid and real. I woke up the next morning and called to start the process of reinstating my nursing license.  

It was a hugely emotional step for me, I was actually pretty thankful that the process would take several weeks. That way I could let the feelings simmer- taking a step back into nursing is terrifying for me.  Then as the days passed and the cases mounted in the Seattle area (and my Aunt had to go into quarantine)…. I follow the news fairly closely so I was also watching the death toll grow overseas…. So many sick and suffering people, and I have skills that can help people, that calling was getting louder. Then I talked to my therapist (thank god they can do phone appointments, I am on the weekly with her!) I told her what I was doing and I cried- feeling the calling coming back is both scary and exciting. With her help, I sorted through the thought salad in my brain.  The calling kept getting louder so the next day I emailed the health department about my license and the status. A short time later I checked online and it was active. It has been 2 full years since I let it expire, probably 7 since I felt the calling….. The first thing I did was go back to the health department’s main page and sign up to volunteer. That is what is calling me right now. It feels really good, I don’t know when they will call or IF they will call, but I know that I want them to, and if they do, it will be good for my soul. Maybe one day the passion will be back completely and with a vengeance, and I will do more than just volunteer.  I really feel that miracle is a pretty fitting word for me to ponder this last week while all of this was going on…. 

Scary big world problems are out of our control but the miracle it will take to get us through is in our control.  Our actions are in our control. We each need to do our part to get through this, those who have the skill or ability to help need to do what they can to step up. We need to stay home and maintain the social-distancing.  Keep our most vulnerable safe…. Stop and look at the miraculous things that are coming out of this world-wide lockdown, dolphins in the beautifully clear canals in Venice, the earth is breathing without humans bogging it down.  


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